Joke 174: Fifth-grade Science

In a fifth-grade class, a teacher asked students various science questions, of which the following were the funniest:

Teacher: "What is the definition of a protein?'
Student: "A protein is something that is made up of mean old acids."

Teacher: "What kind of tails do opossums have?"
Student: "Reprehensible ones"

Teacher: "What is the spinal column?"
Student: "A long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom."

Teacher: "How long does it take the Earth to rotate about its axis?"
Student: "The Earth makes a resolution once every 24 hours."
Teacher: "That's wishful thinking."

Part of the Dream Weave Walk 1999-2010

Joke 172: The Lab Experiment

One day after sleeping badly, an anatomist went to his frog laboratory and removed from a cage one frog with white spots on its back. He placed it on a table and drew a line just in front of the frog. "Jump frog, jump!" he shouted. The little critter jumped two feet forward. In his lab book, the anatomist scribbled, "Frog with four legs jumps two feet."

Then, he surgically removed one leg of the frog and repeated the experiment. "Jump, jump!" To which, the frog leaped forward 1.5 feet. He wrote down, "Frog with three legs jumps 1.5 feet."

Next, he removed a second leg. "Jump frog, jump!" The frog managed to jump a foot. He scribbled in his lab book, "Frog with two legs jumps one foot."

Not stopping there, the anatomist removed yet another leg. "Jump, jump!" The poor frog somehow managed to move 0.5 feet forward. The scientist wrote, "Frog with one leg jumps 0.5 feet."

Finally, he eliminated the last leg. "Jump, jump!" he shouted, encouraging forward progress for the frog. But despite all its efforts, the frog could not budge. "Jump frog, jump!" he cried again. It was no use; the frog would not response. The anatomist thought for a while and then wrote in his lab book, "Frog with no legs goes deaf."

Part of the Dream Weave Walk 1999-2010javascript:void(0)

Joke 87: Dorms

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the
students, pointing out some of the rules:

"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all
male students, and the male dormitory to the female
students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be
fined $20 the first time."

He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the
second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third
time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"

At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired:
"How much for a season pass?"

Part of the Dream Weave Walk 1999-2007

Joke 60: Hostel Rules

On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:

"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?"

"How much for a season pass?"Part of the Dream Weave Walk 1999-2007

Joke 54: The Operation

Little Joey and Little Danny, both aged 5, are walking home from school.

Danny says "I won't be going to school tomorrow."

"Why not?" asks Joey.

"I have to go to the hospital," says Danny woefully.

"That's awful," says Joey. "Why do you have to go there? Are you sick?"

Danny shakes his head and replies, "I have to have a circumcision."

Joey stops dead in his tracks, an expression of complete horror across his face, "That's Horrible!" he cries, "Why, I had that done when I was born, and I couldn't walk for MONTHS!!"

Joke 53: Home work

"Johnny, where's your homework?"
Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy while holding out her hand.
"My dog ate it," was his solemn response.
"Johnny, I've been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me
to believe that?"
"It's true, Miss Martin, I swear," insisted Johnny.
"I had to force him, but he ate it!"

Joke37: How much is a Kilometre

Teacher : Peter how do you define a kilometre ?
Peter: It's easy sir even an infant could tell it.
Teacher : Then tell me.
Peter : Sir a kilometre is the distance in meters you can travel by carrying a load of a kilogram.

Joke 1:Hillary in School

Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school in New York to talk about world affairs.
After her talk she offers a question time.
One little boy puts up his hand.
The Senator asks him what his name is.
"Kenneth."
"And what is your question, Kenneth?"
"I have three questions:
First - whatever happened to the medical health care plan you were paid to develop during your husband's eight years in the office as President?
Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?
Third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?"
Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informs the kids that they will continue after recess.
When they resume, Hillary says, "Okay, where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?"
A different little boy puts his hand up.
Hillary point him out and asks him what his name is.
"Larry."
"And what is your question, Larry?"
"I have five questions:
First - whatever happened to the medical health care plan you were paid to develop during your husband's eight years in the office as President?
Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?
Third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?
Fourth - why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?
Fifth - what happened to Kenneth?"



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