Joe 194:A question of Leadership

A Singaporean, a Chinese and an Indian were asked to compare their Leaders with a National Landmark or Monument (man made or natural).

The Chinese wrote, "My leaders are like the Great Wall of China...old, but still as strong as the bricks in the Wall."

The Singaporean wrote, "My leaders are like the many highrise buildings in Singapore. They build our nation and bring us to greater heights."

The Indian wrote, "My leaders are like the Himalaya Mountains. They have been around for a long time, doing nothing."

Part of the Dream Weave Walk 1999-2012

Joke 184:Shoe Size

Zine al-Abidine Ben Ali goes to buy new boots. As soon as he enters the shop, the salesman hands him a pair. “How did you know my size?” asks Ben Ali. The answer: “You’ve stomped on us for 23 years, how can we not?”



Ben Ali fled Tunisia on Jan. 14, after weeks of protests demanding freedom from police rule

Part of the Dream Weave Walk 1999-2010

Joke 99:Security

Around 150 years or so ago, President Lincoln found it necessary to hire a private investigator named Alan Pinkerton for protection - marking the beginning of the Secret Service. Since that date, Federal police authority has grown in depth, scope, and to a large number of multi-letter agencies - CID, OSI, NIS, FBI, CIA, INS, IRS, DEA, BATF, etc. Recently, due in large part to the September 11th tragedy, we now we have the “Federal Air Transportation Airport Security Service.”

I can see it now, just visualize… highly trained men and women… in their black outfits… with agency initials in large white letters across their backs: “FATASS” - I feel safer already, don’t you?

Part of the Dream Weave Walk 1999-2007

Joke 98: Electing the President

Bill and Hillary stop at a gas station. Hillary jumps out of the car, talks animatedly to the attendant for several minutes and then hugs him. She gets back in the car and Bill asks “Who was that?” “That was John, an old boyfriend I almost married.” Bill replies sharply “Well, I bet you’re glad you married me - he’s just a gas station attendant and I was the President of the United States of America!” To which Hillary says “So what Bill, If I married him, he’d have been President!”

Part of the Dream Weave Walk 1999-2007

Joke 89: By George! What to do?

George W. Bush, distraught over his worsening approval rating, was jogging through Washington in search of inspiration. Taking a break upon reaching the Washington Monument, he looks up for guidance and says, “George, you were one of our greatest Presidents, what should I do?”

Suddenly, a voice is heard from above. George Washington says to George W, “Abolish the I.R.S. and start over.”

George W, amazed that he’s actually talking to a past President, continues his job and this time stops at the Jefferson Memorial. Uttering a similar question to Thomas Jefferson, America’s author of the Declaration of Independence and one of its great early philosophers, he asks “Thomas, you’ve never had these kinds of problems. What can I do to rally people behind me?” Again a voice from above answers, “Welfare is not working, abolish it and start over.”

Upon hearing such great advice, George gets excited and plans on going to all the historical sites for guidance. Next stop is the Lincoln Memorial to see President Abraham Lincoln, who met his untimely death after winning the Civil War and keeping the country unified. “Abe, I need your help, people are losing confidence in me and they no longer trust me. What should I do?” After a substantial pause Abe replies, “Take the day off George. Go the the theatre.”

Part of the Dream Weave Walk 1999-2007

Joke 59: In heaven

Margaret Thatcher dies and strolls up the pearly staircase to the pearly gates, where she is confronted by St. Peter, brandishing a clipboard.
"Name" says St. Peter.
"Margaret Thatcher" she replies.
Peter checks through all the lists on his clipboard but cannot find the name of our illustrious leader.
"I'm sorry" he says,"you can't come in. Your place is downstairs , in hell.
Mrs T. turns and walks down the stairs.
A short time later the phone rings. St. Peter answers it and a voice says:
"Hello Pete, It's the Devil speaking. You'll have to take that bloody woman
after all - she's only been here 10 minutes and she's closed half the furnaces to reduce capacity"
Part of the Dream Weave Walk 1999-2007

Joke 40: The Kidnapping

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway. Nothing is moving.

Suddenly a man knocks on his window.

The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What's happening?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped Hillary Clinton, Ted Kennedy, Jesse Jackson, and Al Sharpton. They are asking for a $10 million ransom. Otherwise they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a collection."

The driver asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?"

"About a gallon."

Joke 22: Can the English language survive after Bush?

"The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country. "
- George W. Bush

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
- George W. Bush

"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared '."
- George W. Bush

"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future. "
- George W. Bush

" The future will be better tomorrow." George W. Bush

" We're going to have the best educated American people in the world."
- George W. Bush

" I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."
- George W. Bush

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe We are a part of Europe."
- George W. Bush

" Public speaking is very easy."
- George W. Bush


"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."
- George W. Bush

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur. "
- George W. Bush

"For NASA, space is still a high priority."
- George W. Bush

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children. "
- George W. Bush

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
- George W. Bush

" It's time for the human race to enter the solar system."
- George W. Bush

Joke8: Hillary and the Texan

Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton, on an airliner bound for Texas, finds herself seated next to an older, weathered man in a western snap shirt, faded jeans, and a cowboy hat. Thinking herself above the old cowboy, she decides to make sport of him.

"You know," she says, "I've heard these flights go much more quickly if you strike up a conversation with a fellow passenger. So, let's talk."

The cowboy looks at her wryly and says, "Well I s'pose that'd be all right, m'am. What'd ya like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," says Hillary with a slight hint of sarcasm.
"How about Iraq?"

"Hmm," says the cowboy, sensing an attempt to perhaps belittle him, "That could be an interesting topic.
But let me ask you a question first:"Horses, cows, and deer all eat the same stuff--grass. Yet a deer passes little pellets, a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse makes muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?"

Dumbfounded, Senator Clinton replies, "Sir, I haven't the slightest idea."

"So tell me, then," says the cowboy with a smile. "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss Iraq when you don't know shit?"

Joke 2:Bush- Business as usual

Air Force One arrives at Heathrow and President Bush strides to a warm and dignified reception from the Queen. They are driven in a 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London where they change to a magnificent 17th century carriage hitched to six white horses.


They continue on towards Buckingham Palace, waving to the thousands of cheering Britons; all is going well.


Suddenly, the right rear horse lets fly with the most horrendous earth-shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire. The fart shakes the coach. The smell is atrocious! Both pssengers in the carriage must use perfume-dipped handkerchiefs over their nose, but the two dignitaries of state do their best to ignore the incident.


The Queen turns to President Bush saying, "Mr. President, please accept my regrets. I am sure you understand there are some things that even a Queen cannot control."


Bush, with his usual diplomatic aplomb, replied,


"Your Majesty, do not give the matter another thought. Until you mentioned it, I thought it was one of the horses."

Joke 1:Hillary in School

Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school in New York to talk about world affairs.
After her talk she offers a question time.
One little boy puts up his hand.
The Senator asks him what his name is.
"Kenneth."
"And what is your question, Kenneth?"
"I have three questions:
First - whatever happened to the medical health care plan you were paid to develop during your husband's eight years in the office as President?
Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?
Third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?"
Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informs the kids that they will continue after recess.
When they resume, Hillary says, "Okay, where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?"
A different little boy puts his hand up.
Hillary point him out and asks him what his name is.
"Larry."
"And what is your question, Larry?"
"I have five questions:
First - whatever happened to the medical health care plan you were paid to develop during your husband's eight years in the office as President?
Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?
Third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?
Fourth - why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?
Fifth - what happened to Kenneth?"



http://hometown.aol.com/kainaatcreation/myhomepage/sports.html