Joke 172: The Lab Experiment

One day after sleeping badly, an anatomist went to his frog laboratory and removed from a cage one frog with white spots on its back. He placed it on a table and drew a line just in front of the frog. "Jump frog, jump!" he shouted. The little critter jumped two feet forward. In his lab book, the anatomist scribbled, "Frog with four legs jumps two feet."

Then, he surgically removed one leg of the frog and repeated the experiment. "Jump, jump!" To which, the frog leaped forward 1.5 feet. He wrote down, "Frog with three legs jumps 1.5 feet."

Next, he removed a second leg. "Jump frog, jump!" The frog managed to jump a foot. He scribbled in his lab book, "Frog with two legs jumps one foot."

Not stopping there, the anatomist removed yet another leg. "Jump, jump!" The poor frog somehow managed to move 0.5 feet forward. The scientist wrote, "Frog with one leg jumps 0.5 feet."

Finally, he eliminated the last leg. "Jump, jump!" he shouted, encouraging forward progress for the frog. But despite all its efforts, the frog could not budge. "Jump frog, jump!" he cried again. It was no use; the frog would not response. The anatomist thought for a while and then wrote in his lab book, "Frog with no legs goes deaf."

Part of the Dream Weave Walk 1999-2010javascript:void(0)

Joke 92: The trial

A young trial lawyer was defending a man accused of burglary, known for being witty (and the judge knows this) tried yet another one of his creative defenses. The judge, while not known for having a sense of humor, decided to here the young lawyer out.

“While my client admits he did, in fact, reach his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. However his arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by just his limb.”

“Well put,” the judge replied. “Using your logic, I sentence the defendant’s arm to one year’s imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he so chooses.”

The defendant smiled. With his lawyer’s assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

Part of the Dream Weave Walk 1999-2007

Joke 79:Legal Jargon

Read the paragraph below,and try to understand the meaning.


'Two individuals proceeded towards the apex of a natural geologic
protuberance, the purpose of their expedition being the procurement
of a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exact
size of which was unspecified.

'One member of the team precipitously descended, sustaining severe
damage to the upper cranial portion of his anatomical structure;
subsequently, the second member of the team performed
self-rotational translation, orientated in the same direction taken by the
first team member.'



ANY GUESSES WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT???

Jack and Jill went up the hill

To fetch a pail of water

Jack fell down and broke his crown

And Jill came tumbling after!'

Part of the Dream Weave Walk 1999-2007

Joke 6:Newton's Laws of Dieting

If you eat something, but no one else sees you eat it, it has no calories.

When drinking a diet coke while eating a kurkure/bhujia, the calories in the kurkure/bhujia are cancelled by the diet coke.

When you eat with someone else, calories don't count as long as you don't eat more than they do.

Foods used for medicinal purposes "never" count. e.g. Full cream curd, hot chocolate, brandy, toast, honey.

If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

Movie-related foods do not have calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel. e.g. Hot-dogs, Kesar-Milk, buttered popcorn, Bread Pakora.

Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking the cookie biscuit causes calorie leakage.

Late-night snacks have no calories. The refrigerator light is not strong enough for the calories to see their way into the calorie counter.

If you are in the process of preparing something, food licked off knives and spoons have no calories. e.g. Amul butter on a knife, ice cream on a spoon, shreekhand on the cup lid.

Food of the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are spinach and pista ice cream, Cauliflower and white chocolate. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other.


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