Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.
Please select from the following options menu:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.
If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won’t be crazy forever.
If you are blonde, don’t press any buttons, you’ll just mess it up.
This coming week is National Mental Health Care week. You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you care.
(Well, my job is done …..Your turn!)
Part of the Dream Weave Walk 1999-2010
The latest & top quality internet jokes served @ your computer. We are the best online Jokester.
Showing posts with label patient. Show all posts
Showing posts with label patient. Show all posts
Joke 152: Easy Solution
Shally went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble.
Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. You gotta
help me, I'm going crazy!"
"Come to me three times a week for two years," said the psychiatrist,
"and I'll cure your fears."
"How much do you charge?"
"A hundred dollars per visit."
"I'll sleep on it," said Shally. Six months later the doctor met
Shakey on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?"
asked the psychiatrist.
"Too expensive. My paperboy cured me for ten dollars."
"Is that so! How?"
"He told me to cut the legs off my bed!"
Part of the Dream Weave Walk 1999-2010
Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. You gotta
help me, I'm going crazy!"
"Come to me three times a week for two years," said the psychiatrist,
"and I'll cure your fears."
"How much do you charge?"
"A hundred dollars per visit."
"I'll sleep on it," said Shally. Six months later the doctor met
Shakey on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?"
asked the psychiatrist.
"Too expensive. My paperboy cured me for ten dollars."
"Is that so! How?"
"He told me to cut the legs off my bed!"
Part of the Dream Weave Walk 1999-2010
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)