A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch, and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast. The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation, and he puts up a sign that reads:
"WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE!"
He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons. The farmer returned to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads:
"NOW THERE ARE TWO!"
Part of the Dream Weave Walk 1999-2012
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Showing posts with label little boy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label little boy. Show all posts
Joke 157: Fishing Secrets
A man and a boy have been sitting out on a lake all day long ice
fishing. The man has been having no luck at all while the boy has been
pulling fish after fish out of his hole in the ice. The man finally
leans over and asks the kid what his secret is.
"mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm," is the reply.
"I'm sorry, what did you say?"
"mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm," the kid repeats.
"I'm sorry, I still didn't understand you."
The boy spits something into his hand and says very clearly, "You've
got to keep your worms warm!"
Part of the Dream Weave Walk 1999-2010
fishing. The man has been having no luck at all while the boy has been
pulling fish after fish out of his hole in the ice. The man finally
leans over and asks the kid what his secret is.
"mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm," is the reply.
"I'm sorry, what did you say?"
"mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm," the kid repeats.
"I'm sorry, I still didn't understand you."
The boy spits something into his hand and says very clearly, "You've
got to keep your worms warm!"
Part of the Dream Weave Walk 1999-2010
Joke 155: Police help
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, a
police officer was interrupted by a little boy about six years old.
Looking up and down at his uniform, he asked, "Are you a police
officer?"
"Yes," he answered, and continued writing the report.
"My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that
right?"
"Yes, that's right," he told him.
"Well, then," he said as he extended her foot toward the officer,
"would you please tie my shoe?"
Part of the Dream Weave Walk 1999-2010
police officer was interrupted by a little boy about six years old.
Looking up and down at his uniform, he asked, "Are you a police
officer?"
"Yes," he answered, and continued writing the report.
"My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that
right?"
"Yes, that's right," he told him.
"Well, then," he said as he extended her foot toward the officer,
"would you please tie my shoe?"
Part of the Dream Weave Walk 1999-2010
Joke 91: Watch out for the innocent ones
A four year old little boy was at the doctor’s office with his mother in the waiting room when he spotted a pregnant lady on the other side of the room. Having nothing better to do, he walk over to her and inquisitively asks “Why is your stomach so big?”
She replied, “Im having a baby.” With big eyes, he replied, “Is the baby in your stomach?” She said, “He sure is.”
Then the little boy, with a puzzled look on his face, asked yet another question, “Is it a good baby?” She said, “Oh, yes. It’s a real good baby.” At this point the woman is thinking the little boy is incredibly cute and looks foward to what he has to say next…
And, much to her suprise, with an even more surprised and shocked look than before, he asks.. “Then why did you eat him?”
Part of the Dream Weave Walk 1999-2007
She replied, “Im having a baby.” With big eyes, he replied, “Is the baby in your stomach?” She said, “He sure is.”
Then the little boy, with a puzzled look on his face, asked yet another question, “Is it a good baby?” She said, “Oh, yes. It’s a real good baby.” At this point the woman is thinking the little boy is incredibly cute and looks foward to what he has to say next…
And, much to her suprise, with an even more surprised and shocked look than before, he asks.. “Then why did you eat him?”
Part of the Dream Weave Walk 1999-2007
Joke 57: The Little Boy
A young boy went running down the street in search of a policeman.
Finding one, he pleaded, "Officer, please I need you to come back to the bar with me. My dad is in a fight."
The officer accompanied him back to the bar where he found three guys in a fistfight.
"Ok, now which one is your father?" he asked the young boy.
"I don't know, officer. That's what they're fighting about!"
Finding one, he pleaded, "Officer, please I need you to come back to the bar with me. My dad is in a fight."
The officer accompanied him back to the bar where he found three guys in a fistfight.
"Ok, now which one is your father?" he asked the young boy.
"I don't know, officer. That's what they're fighting about!"
Joke 55: Your Government at your Service
A man walks into the market followed by his 10-year-old son. The kid is holding a one dollor coin between his lips. As they walk through the market, someone bumps into the boy and the coin goes straight into his mouth and lodges in his throat. The boy immediately starts choking and going blue in the face, and the dad starts panicking, shouting and screaming for help.
A middle-aged, fairly unnoticeable man in a gray suit is sitting at a coffee bar in the market reading his newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee.
At the sound of the commotion, he looks up, puts his coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folds his newspaper, and places it on the counter. He gets up from his seat and makes his unhurried way across the market. Reaching the boy (who is still standing, but only just) the man carefully takes hold of the kid and squeezes him very firmly. After a few seconds, the boy convulses violently and coughs up the one dollor coin, which the man catches in his free hand.
Releasing the boy, the man hands the coin to the father and walks back to his seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no lasting ill effects, the father rushes over to the man and starts effusively thanking him.
The man looks embarrassed and brushes off the father's thanks. As he is about to leave, the father asks one last question:
"I've never seen anybody do anything like that before - it was fantastic! What are you, a surgeon or something like that?"
"Oh, good heavens, no" the man replies "I work for the IRS."
A middle-aged, fairly unnoticeable man in a gray suit is sitting at a coffee bar in the market reading his newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee.
At the sound of the commotion, he looks up, puts his coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folds his newspaper, and places it on the counter. He gets up from his seat and makes his unhurried way across the market. Reaching the boy (who is still standing, but only just) the man carefully takes hold of the kid and squeezes him very firmly. After a few seconds, the boy convulses violently and coughs up the one dollor coin, which the man catches in his free hand.
Releasing the boy, the man hands the coin to the father and walks back to his seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no lasting ill effects, the father rushes over to the man and starts effusively thanking him.
The man looks embarrassed and brushes off the father's thanks. As he is about to leave, the father asks one last question:
"I've never seen anybody do anything like that before - it was fantastic! What are you, a surgeon or something like that?"
"Oh, good heavens, no" the man replies "I work for the IRS."
Joke 54: The Operation
Little Joey and Little Danny, both aged 5, are walking home from school.
Danny says "I won't be going to school tomorrow."
"Why not?" asks Joey.
"I have to go to the hospital," says Danny woefully.
"That's awful," says Joey. "Why do you have to go there? Are you sick?"
Danny shakes his head and replies, "I have to have a circumcision."
Joey stops dead in his tracks, an expression of complete horror across his face, "That's Horrible!" he cries, "Why, I had that done when I was born, and I couldn't walk for MONTHS!!"
Danny says "I won't be going to school tomorrow."
"Why not?" asks Joey.
"I have to go to the hospital," says Danny woefully.
"That's awful," says Joey. "Why do you have to go there? Are you sick?"
Danny shakes his head and replies, "I have to have a circumcision."
Joey stops dead in his tracks, an expression of complete horror across his face, "That's Horrible!" he cries, "Why, I had that done when I was born, and I couldn't walk for MONTHS!!"
Joke 53: Home work
"Johnny, where's your homework?"
Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy while holding out her hand.
"My dog ate it," was his solemn response.
"Johnny, I've been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me
to believe that?"
"It's true, Miss Martin, I swear," insisted Johnny.
"I had to force him, but he ate it!"
Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy while holding out her hand.
"My dog ate it," was his solemn response.
"Johnny, I've been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me
to believe that?"
"It's true, Miss Martin, I swear," insisted Johnny.
"I had to force him, but he ate it!"
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